Okay, this sentence? So wrong! But I’ll play.

Most of my plans and my private life. Strange thing, but those two, my plans and my private life, often follow one another so close it’s not even funny. Every time I think I have a break either from work or from the man in my life, something bad happens and I have to pick the pieces all over again.

Like this case I had. Big case, lots of money. It seemed like an easy case and then all hell broke loose. I nearly died from OD and people died because my plan wasn’t much of a plan. Of course me nearly dying did something good; me and Terrible are back in speaking terms and not only that, but we are something like a couple.

Of course I’m still waiting for the other shoe to fall. ‘Cause I know it will.

Are you more likely to please others or to please yourself?


Usually I please others to please myself. It’s not that I want it or anything, but I’m not going to pass an opportunity for more money or for free drugs. I do it mostly for the drugs. I never had enough money and the little money I had went all to my drug habit. I don’t care about food and I don’t own many things. So I spend most of my money for drugs or equipment for my work.

Neither comes cheap. The Church of Truth pays well, but only if it ends up not to be a haunting. Then I get the bonus, but for some reason, when I get one case it’s always a case of haunting and not a fake one. Some people have no fucking luck.

But yeah, I please others to please myself and things are not going to chance anytime soon. It’s an endless circle. It’s goes on and on and on like a fucking machine that won’t stop until it dies. Same here; I won’t stop until I die or the Church finds out or I fuck things up with Bump. And I don’t know which one is most luckily to happen.

It’s not like I’m following them. Some days I remember that I’m not alone and I try not to take as many pills as I usually do, but then Terrible have seen me in my worst and he doesn’t mind. And if he minds he doesn’t say it so um, yeah.

But I’m not going to the Pipes as much as I used too. It’s been...shit, three weeks? Yeah, it must be three weeks since I had my last Dream trip. Probably because I’m still shaky about my almost OD of Dream. He doesn’t like it. Me taking Dream so I guess that’s the biggest change. He doesn’t say it since he’s Terrible, but I can tell.

Oh! I’m not seeing Lex so that’s another change. I feel kinda bad about Lex. It wasn’t his fault that I used him for free drugs although he used me for information. We used each other, but I still feel like I should apologize to him or something.

So the changes I did through the year: I told a man that I love him and he didn’t run away. I’m trying to cut down the pills. I’m not taking Dream and I’m avoiding Lex. I’m just curious to see for how long though. I know that I’ll fuck things up sooner or later.

I know it.